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I think; therefore, I think I am.

When you think you know what the writer means but aren’t really sure and don’t care anyway … that’s poetry.

You know you’re screwed when you can’t afford the stamps to mail the payment.

If you a know their mother’s maiden name and the city where they were born, you can pretty much take over their life.

When the letters on a page begin to thrash about and attack each other, it’s probably time to turn off the light and go to sleep.

Thank God beauty is only skin deep — otherwise it would be really expensive.

Drunk is a nice place to visit, but I wouldn’t want to live there.

A man has but one defense against menstruation: It is the word “sorry.”

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